You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize