I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
