You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
