I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
