you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
