I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
