You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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