you traded sex for a burrito?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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