Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
