i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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