i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
