i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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