Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
