he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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