.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
