Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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