theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
