Nicole vs. Life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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