i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
