I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
