don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need to get me chipped asap
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
