I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Plan B is the new Plan A
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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