She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
