im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
