That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize