i don't like sucking hair
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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