On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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