shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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