3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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