dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
