I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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