dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
