3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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