did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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