i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
