why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
