I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
