yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
