I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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