i permit you to call me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
