you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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