i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
