she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
