I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
