sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He better not be in your backpack
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
