Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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