I just pynch a tree in the face
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
