i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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