Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
