I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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