Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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