I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize