My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
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