I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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