Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
