My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
