please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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