weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
