DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
