i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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